Round 4, Day 2 - Goodbye 2013

Today went pretty smoothly. Blessed with friends today helping out. Jane dropped me off, Carol spent part of her birthday sitting with me, and Esther spent the last half of my long treatment hanging out. IV held strong for day 2.

To say 2013 was eventful would be an understatement. Full of tears and heartache. Mourning 5 lives loved and lost. Yet uplifted by the amazing love, prayers and encouragement by the amazing community we've been blessed with.

An old university friend, Leanne, also went through a heartbreaking and hard 2013. Her words eloquently capture the heart of pain and loss.

"Instead, I look back with a certain sense of awe that we all made it through. I look back with profound gratitude for all the support and prayers of those that love us that were gifts to us every day.  And you know what’s most amazing about this year?  This was the hardest year of my life – and it’s the nearest I felt God to me in many many years.  When I look back on this year, I feel overwhelmed by it, but I don’t feel despair.  I will remember this year as one of many miracles, many blessings. There were many sorrows – yes – but many moments of God’s grace.  And it is good.   

 

And so if you are facing this New Year’s thinking that you don’t have a lot of show for 2013, I invite you to be thankful for what wasn’t.  And if, like me, you look back on a year with a lot of struggle, I hope you can see the blessings in amongst the trials. In whatever category you fall, may we both welcome 2014 together knowing God will still be with us.  Here’s to a boring year!!  (And if it isn’t, here’s to knowing God will still be GOOD.)" - Leanne Friesen

Round 4, Day 1

I know I've mentioned how thankful we are for the incredible community supporting us in so many amazing ways. We have not been in want.

Today made me all the more aware of how much God has really blessed us.

One of the fellow chemo patients in the room today was a single father of 3 young children. Today was his first day and he was understandably nervous. When asked about whether he had much help and support, he said not really. With a later appointment time, the volunteer drivers weren't able to drive him so he needed to drive himself and two of his three kids to chemo. He immediately started feeling quite nauseous from his chemo regimen and couldn't quite snap out of it. After 3 hours, his only other option was to wait until his nausea and dizziness passed, and hope it would be before the 6th floor shut down for the day.

From a life overflowing with blessing, our choice was obvious.. And thankfully the man wasn't too weirded out with our offer to help.

Personally, the IV needle was painful today. The nurse was very careful, to the point of being painstakingly slow and extending the pain for much longer :( But it's in and here's hoping it's in the whole 5 days!

One more day til the beginning of the end!

Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice! Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon. Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you. (Philippians 4:4-9 NLT)

In all their suffering he also suffered, and he personally rescued them. In his love and mercy he redeemed them. He lifted them up and carried them through all the years. (Isaiah 63:9 NLT)

My final cycle (God-willing) starts tomorrow! We can see the light at the end of the tunnel!! God has indeed carried us through the highs and lows of this journey so far and we trust in His continued care for us.

We had a couple of fun birthday parties (one intimate and very sweet, the other very energetic and beautifully decorated!!) the last few days. We also got to hang out with friends far (via Skype chat with HCAC friends I grew up with) and near (with an abundance of amazing food and great friends) yesterday. We received a great feel-good care package from Joanne complete with jojo-curated looks. Gamoon, a friend from years ago, also sent a sweet care package with yarn, needles and a useful pattern for cowl. And a very thoughtful gift from Tara (a book on how to fight cancer before it begins? Looking forward to reading it). Thank you friends for your love and helping us squeeze in some laughs before the start of the next cycle!

Makeup, makeup and more makeup - jo, how did you know about my obsession? ;)

From the medical progress side...

We had our regular appointment with Dr. Tinker on Friday. The AFP cancer marker came in at 44 from the previous blood test - down from 1100 pre-chemo, with Friday's levels still not in at the time. Normal levels should be under 7... So we're almost there!

Dr. Tinker went over the protocol post chemo with us. Recurrence is highest in the first year so they monitor quite regularly via blood tests and CT scans. The second year they monitor less frequently. If, at the end of 2 years, I am still clear, I will be considered "cured" but they will follow up with me for 5 years just in case. Our first CT scan will be the week of February 11, after which, if clear, we plan to make up for our shortened San Diego trip to celebrate the end of chemo :). Currently we're looking at Maui or San Francisco for somewhere warmer and relaxing. If there is recurrence in the first year, we will be looking at more chemo, but we'll cross that bridge if we come to it.

Side effects wise, hot flashes and chills (my aunt and I were commiserating over menopausal issues), nerve pain in fingers and toes, bruising and dark pigmentation spots popping up in odd places. I had my first prolonged bout of nausea on Boxing Day - I am quite fortunate to have escaped nausea for so long and it didn't stick around, thankfully. It was gone by late evening. :)

I can feel the multiple cycles have taken a cumulative toll on my reserves as I've had to take more naps later in the cycle than before. But all things considered, things have been so much smoother and better than we were bracing ourselves for. Thank you to all our family and friends for your continued support, prayers and kind thoughts!

Picture Min emailed this week! I love my family.

Funny sight on the way down from grouse.

Merry Christmas!

Wishing you a blessed and beautiful Christmas filled with great memories and quality time with loved ones. Hoping you are able to carve out time, in a season that is sometimes too hectic with holiday parties and get togethers, to contemplate and be thankful for the big and small blessings.

Thank you all for checking in and supporting us during our journey these past few months. Your love and kind thoughts have made this journey much more bearable.

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The last few days we've had great times with family and friends. My last treatment for round 3 was yesterday and it went relatively smoothly. Pain in fingers and toes are back but it's manageable. Dad and Mom Li were so helpful as usual and helped us occupy Nolan. Mom also came to sit with me and Jer during treatment. It's been great to have Val back in town as well. N's been really enjoying time with his Aunt.

We has a great time up on Grouse Mountain with the Mills and Chans today for Breakfast with Santa. During bedtime prayers, Nolan thanked God for a really fun day, the very yummy breakfast and the fun of skating and bum-sliding down the little icy molehills.

We also enjoyed a great potluck Christmas Eve dinner with the Hans, Jonathan and Shereen. We each prepared enough to feed everyone so we had an over abundance of amazing food and of course some amazing company.

Santa and "Prancer"

Nolan's first time skating!

Family photo (great shot Iz!), hats courtesy of Val :)

I just realized I'm dressed like Waldo...

Snow Day!

A beautiful, glorious day of snow! It was perfect, snowball-quality snow. While schools were still open, upon some petitioning by N to stay home, we decided to have an unofficial snow day. It has been awhile since I've had enough energy to have a day of mommy and Noley fun.

Snowball fights with auntie Zoe, snowman building, reading, giggling, cuddling, hot chocolate ... I loved every minute of it. It did highlight that my energy levels are not as good as before, but we managed to squeeze a good lot of fun in :)

Selfie with the Pinnochio snowman

Huge snowball

Hot chocolate with extra marshmallows

Round 3, Day 10 - Praise God!

Today we received some amazing, wonderful, "God is AMAZING!" news regarding our fellow cancer fighters.

http://clibbyblog.wordpress.com/2013/12/18/1386/

How God has worked in their lives, and continues to work... Wow. And, as cliche as it sounds, how God's way is higher and greater than our way - who would want to have the life-threatening brain hemmorhage Cliff suffered through - yet it was actually instrumental to the chemo working effectively on the tumour in his brain. Wow...

In other news, my aim for this cycle was to store up enough energy to make it to N's winter concert tonight. And thankfully it worked out perfectly. I even got to drive N to and back from school :)

The kids did such a great job! Despite the ever increasing trend in society to strike out any religious affiliation for the holidays, it was heartening to see and hear that "Christmas" was not a taboo word at the winter concert, nor were songs like "what Child is This".

Waiting for the concert to start

N, after singing "Little Snowflake" :)

It's been over 20 years...

Today would have been my dad's 64th birthday. Due to the lung cancer from second-hand smoke, which metastasized to his bone before we detected anything, he only made it to 43.

While it has been over 20 years and I've lived more of my life without him than with, his legacy of faith, generosity, integrity, wisdom, determination, work ethic and goofiness looms large in my life. It goes without saying that digging through these photos brought about a lot of memories … laughter, tears, music, outings, conversations, challenges.

I think of what a trooper he was to go through chemo before the improved anti-nausea drugs today. I think of how he choked down the distasteful, pungent, murky chinese medicine concoctions in an effort to extend whatever time he had left with us despite the poor prognosis. I remember how tired and ill he felt, yet he always made the effort to perk up and embrace us when we were with him. I think of how he tried to pass on a lifetime's worth of wisdom and advice in a few short months.

When my family found out cancer was forcing its way into our lives again, it was tough on my mom and brother, especially with them being so far away. Thankfully, by the grace of God, my prognosis is good and the cancer was caught early. And I think my mom and brother were both able leave a bit more at ease seeing how I was responding to treatment. I do fervently pray that cancer does not have to rear its ugly head again in my family or the lives of those I love. Not that I would wish cancer upon my worst enemy.

My dad did not get to walk with me through as much of my life as I would have liked, but he lived life fully in Christ. He centred his life and the life of his family on the radical and amazing love of Christ. I miss my dad a lot today. However, as the Christmas season I love so much reminds me, the gift of Christ's birth over 2000 years ago gave me something I have in common with my dad that death cannot take away. And in time, Christ will reunite us again.

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, and I have remained faithful. And now the prize awaits me - the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give me on the day of his return. And the prize is not just for me but for all who eagerly look forward to his appearing." 2 Timothy 4:7-8

Uncle Moses, Grandma, me, Mom, Dad, Adrian

Aunt Gina, me, Dad, Adrian

Dad & Mom

A break from the hospital

Round 3, Day 6

Sad to see Adrian and Min go today. We loved having them here. Well fed and well loved from their week's stay with us.

Energy very low today. It can only go up :)

Round 3, Day 5

Thank God my IV line held all 5 days! Very thankful.

Sad that Adrian and Min will be leaving tomorrow - they were such a source of "immense joy" and help this past week. We will miss them :(

Very tired. Need to sleep. Hopefully no hot flashes / cold sweats tonight.

Round 3, Day 4

Feeling more tired. Rested my eyes for most of the treatment today... In between offering nurses and other patients Ferroro Rocher chocolates. If we've gotta be in there, might as well make it more joyful :) Min, my beautiful sister-in-law accompanied me yet again while Adrian went to pick up N from school.

Some fun photos to share from the past week...

Many have been saying that my brother and I look alike. What do you think?

Aliens

Sad froggies

Cartoon characters!

Round 3, Day 3

It was a clear day and we had a beautiful view of the mountains.

Fatigue is starting to set in a bit. Appetite is ok but decreasing. Praying my IV line holds for all 5 days this week. It is feeling a bit tender.

Rested a bit during treatment so I had enough energy to play Disney Infinity with my munchkin. It was our birthday gift to him and he has so much fun, he literally cackles ;)

Round 3, Day 2

Day 2 went pretty well. No problems with the IV line. Had lovely company in the form of my brother and sister-in-law, Adrian and Min. They have been spoiling us silly with some really gourmet food (risotto, eggs Benedict) and lots of care and cleaning. Love you guys!

Adrian and Min wearing some hand knit hats :)

Also had a nice visit with my Uncle Joe and cousin Jonathan, along with their significant others Sherry and Shereen. :)

Happy Nerf Gun Enthusiasts - N and his Grand Uncle Joe

Their mean and tough faces

It's been over 3 years since we've all had a chance to hang out like this!

Christmas fun, Nolan's birthday, and Round 3, Day 1

Forever
by Chris Tomlin


Give thanks to the Lord
With a mighty hand
Forever God is faithful
From the rising to the setting sun

Our God and King
His love endures forever
For He is good, He is above all things
His love endures forever
Sing praise, sing praise

and outstretched arm
His love endures forever
For the live that's been reborn
His love endures forever
Sing praise, sing praise
Sing praise, sing praise

Forever God is strong
Forever God is with us
Forever, forever

His love endures forever
By the grace of God
We will carry on
His love endures forever
Sing praise, sing praise
Sing praise, sing praise

This past Sunday, I was chatting with Pastor Jade and when he asked how I was feeling, doing, etc, my main answer was that I continued to be thankful. Overwhelmed with thankfulness in fact.

Chemo - not as bad as I was bracing myself for. Family and friends? Blessing beyond what I could possibly imagine. And my fun times with my two favourite boys? In my stronger days this cycle, we enjoyed some family fun with the unusual sunny, brisk air we've been enjoying in Vancouver lately. Usually it would be mild, rainy and dreary but we've had a long run of gorgeous sun lately.

Mom, me and the top of a little owl at the Christmas Market

My amazing hubby and me, Christmas Market again...

Enjoying some of the spaetzle at the Christmas market


Anticipating some cotton candy!

So worth the wait!

Enjoying a ride on the carousel

25 kids for Nolan's birthday party, plus parents. Our boy's a bit of a social butterfly.
We had to cap his invite list unfortunately :(

Beautiful cake thanks to Auntie Jane!
Auntie Jeannie made some AMAZING lego block and mini fig cookies that were a hit
Unfortunately it was a bit of a gong show and we neglected to take a picture of it :(

N & Daddy silliness

Ice cream cake the next day with the extended family

We've fit a lot in with the spurts of energy God grants me. By God's grace, we've been able to build lots of fun memories during this time.

My beloved brother and sister in law were able to fly in after Nolan's party. Like my mom before them, they've been so amazing in cooking lots of great food, helping us in the cleaning, and playing with N, doing homework with him, etc. They've been and will continue to be such a support during the toughest part of Round 3.

Today's IV poke with Nurse Rufina went as well as possible. No second pokes, just sounded like a crazy with my deep breathing but I got through it without any tears :) Currently side effects include some nerve damage that feels like a frostbite before it gets to the point where it's numb and your fingers and toes are in danger of falling off. So it's like a painful but bearable thing. I will start to get more tired and more heartburn as the days go on, but all in all, again the side effects are so much more bearable than I was bracing myself, so, much to be thankful for.

Day 2 tomorrow where we get to see Uncle Joe, just flown in from China, for brunch before my chemo for the day starts.

Thank you to all who went above and beyond to make this weekend and my little boy's 6th birthday such a great success. I know, left to our own devices, this could have been a screaming chaotic mess, but Jeannie, Jane, Carmen, Vince, Isabel, Katherine, and all the parents who pitched in here and there - thank you - I know it was a bit crazy with all those boys, but hopefully your kids had fun celebrating with my kid, delayed pizza delivery, wrestling mania and all. Thank you for demonstrating community in so many ways.

Anticipation

Everyday, Nolan peeks under the tree or sticks his hand in his stocking to see if he can guess what his presents are. Having his birthday and Christmas in the same month makes December a pretty exciting month for him.

Lately we've been working on patience. This little boy loves being the first in line at school (why? I don't get it) and gets irritated with the traffic, muttering that all slow-moving vehicles should go to jail - good thing for tax-payers he doesn't have the authority to arrest people. Having presents he can see but cannot open or advent calendars he can only open a day at a time has been good for daily lessons in patience.

In the same way, I wish I could just be done with all the treatments already, but there is beauty in taking things a day at a time and learning and seeing all I need to each day. Instead of rushing through everything, this time had forced me to slow down and be more reflective. It has been a time of waiting and of rest. It has forced me to be more appreciative of things I may normally overlook. And it's also allowed me to reconnect with friends I may sometimes be too busy to take the time to connect with.

A couple of days ago, an old friend and neighbour I grew up with surprised me with an amazingly thoughtful and generous care package, filled with a treasure trove of goodies for the knitting addicts.

Nadia was someone I looked up to as a child - she was slightly older, wiser, more patient... And I learned so much from her :) I remember playing endless games of Candyland and Mastermind at her home. Or giggling over something silly. Or being gently but firmly scolded when I said or did something inappropriate or dumb (thanks N - I truly did learn so much from you). We'd play Barbies but with a feminist bent to it because from an early age, she was independent, strong and not one to let Ken save the day while Barbie played a helpless damsel in distress. As we moved away and life moved on, we'd lose touch, then there would be little chunks of time we'd reconnect before life and circumstances took us in separate directions again. All this to say that I'm glad this time of slowing down and waiting has allowed us to reconnect again and I really do look forward to being able to knit and sip tea together in the not so distant future.

Anticipation can sometimes be painful, but it is also exciting and a good reminder to slow down and be thoughtful in our approach towards what we wait for. Thank you Lord for this time. As my friend Katie puts so eloquently:

"Here's to our un-asked-for companions on our journeys that bring us, amazingly, new life and joy in the journey as we submit to God and walk with them."

Round 2, Days 11-14

Our Advent Calendar and some of our Lego Christmas Village

Happy December 1st!

I've been soaking up the time with Mom while she's here - she'll be going home to Toronto tomorrow :( It's been a wonderful time together and I'm so thankful for all the good food, chats and quality time we've had together.

Energy levels have slowly been rebuilding. Generally I've been feeling pretty good. There was a bad spell yesterday with chills, headache and nausea, but that thankfully died down after the tylenol and backup anti-nausea meds kicked in.

We even made it out to the Christmas Market outside the Queen Elizabeth Theatre this past week to enjoy the food, carousel and sights!

We got to see my cousin Jonathan today - I don't think my mom had seen Jon since my brother's wedding. As usual, my cousin spoiled us and brought a whole trunkful of goodies. Thank you Jonathan! Next time just bring yourself - we love spending time with you!

Some of the many goodies from Jonathan!

Some have been marvelling that I've been writing Christmas cards and have finished all our Christmas shopping (don't hate me - I had to plan around my cycles of exhaustion) already. I figure that cancer has robbed my family of a lot already - it's not going to rob us of my favourite time of year as well! I'm determined to continue on with as many of our traditions as possible and to celebrate the birth of Jesus with as much joy as possible.

We started the special Adventures in Odyssey advent devotions today and put the first wooden ornament on our wooden advent calendar. We also received a special delivery of a Star Wars lego advent from two of the lovely Watson ladies :)

And thanks to the lovely cake Jonathan brought earlier, we were able to celebrate three December birthdays together…

Nolan and his two grandmas - all December babies!

Round 2, Day 10 - His mercies are new every morning

The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. (Lamentations 3:22, 23 NLT)

Very poor sleep (about 3 hours on and off) last night due to chemo rash on head and a side effect of the hydrocortisone portion of my chemo treatment yesterday. This particular component is supposed to protect my lungs from the ill effects of the chemo drug bleomycin. Bad sleep for a night versus fatal lung condition? No brainier :)

Poor Jer though - I must have kept him up half the night with my tossing and turning.

Despite the bad sleep, God's mercies are new every morning. And a surprise beautiful care package all the way from Indiana from our dear friends, the Cochrans were part of today's mercies and reminder of God's faithfulness and care for us.

We miss you so much Cochran family!!

Round 2, Day 8-9

Day 8 went relatively well. I still get tired easily and need at least one substantial nap to get through the day, but my energy levels are starting to recover. Had a nice visit with my cousin, grandma and a friend. Thanks Pam for the flowers, super smoothie and goodies!

We also got a lovely surprise early birthday gift for Nolan delivered - an old school bricks and imagination only lego set. He was so excited to show me his creations this morning. Thank you Wu's!!

With my spurt of energy this morning, we had a nice Mom and Daughter morning, complete with french pastries and some shopping.

Today's day 9 treatment started off a bit rough. I was a bit groggy from my nap and forgot to take my Ativan which resulted in two attempts before they could start an IV. Thanks to Isabel for driving and accompanying me, and helping me calm down so my veins wouldn't make it so difficult on the nurses. I've got my "take Ativan" scheduled with full alarms and whistles for my next treatment!

I get two days reprieve before my next poke for a blood test - yay :)

Round 2, Day 6-7

Day 6 was rough. Poor sleep the evening of Day 5 with menopausal symptoms due to chemo didn't help matters. Let's just leave it at that... :)

Thankful that "Uncle" Nate treated Noley to a mid day screening of "Free Birds" yesterday as that allowed all of us to rest.  God bless you Nate - there's not too many guys who would willingly sit through a kids movie (with a grand total of 5 families in the theatre) like that on their weekend.

However, the difference a good night's sleep makes! Today, I woke up with enough energy and appetite to putter around the kitchen and whip up a batch of French toast for everyone. Which exhausted my burst of energy :) But it was so nice to be up and able to enjoy the unusual but welcome sunshine around here before going back to nap.

Update - 9 pm

A few more things to be thankful for:

- Our stroller had been stolen the day we came back from San Diego. While Nolan doesn't need a stroller anymore, it was very sentimental to us and a very good quality piece that we could share with others. Today on a walk, we found it outside a neighbour's home daycare - one of their families had found it in the alleyway, after it had been stolen to cart who-knows-what. Sounds silly, but finding that stroller made me so happy!

- Our sweet friends Dar & Jeannie won an exclusive catering event with Vij's Railway Express. While my immune system, appetite and energy levels were not quite up for the event, they made sure we could be part of it by saving a bit of each course and getting a signed tee. How in the world are we so blessed by such amazing family and friends??