So happy

... And relieved that from now on my body is allowed to just heal from all the crazy drugs pumped into me instead of having to start another round tomorrow. SO happy.

Fun photo from this weekend - my little Sith lord watching a show on netflix :)

My boys...

Some photos of my beloved boys...

The two hams.

Nolan pretending to be a ninja

Ninja part 2

Jer is wearing the sweater that took over half a year to finish. The long hours of chemo were the perfect time to finally get it done!

Energy is getting a bit better. Pain in fingers is making zippers and prying open containers a bit difficult but hopefully will wear off in a week or two.

Last treatment!

Whom Shall I Fear

By Chris Tomlin

You hear me when I call

You are my morning song

Though darkness fills the night

It cannot hide the light

Whom shall I fear?

You crush the enemy

Underneath my feet

You are my Sword and Shield

Though troubles linger still

Whom shall I fear?

I know Who goes before me

I know Who stands behind

The God of angel armies

Is always by my side

The One who reigns forever

He is a Friend of mine

The God of angel armies

Is always by my side

My strength is in Your name

For You alone can save

You will deliver me

Yours is the victory

Whom shall I fear?

Whom shall I fear?

And nothing formed against me shall stand

You hold the whole world in your hands

I'm holding onto Your promises

You are faithful

You are faithful

---

Today marked the last scheduled treatment of my 4 cycle protocol. Woo hoo!!!!!

I get to have almost a month off before my next IV for the CT scan. My mother-in-law kindly sat with me and accompanied me for the last treatment. Today's IV was interesting - the nurse got the line in and I felt a warm spurt of blood all over my fist. Thankfully I wasn't looking otherwise I might have passed out... 

Some goodies to share during my last treatment

Now comes the waiting ... Waiting for my body to slowly rebound and get back to normal levels of energy. Waiting for the side effects to slowly wear off and hopefully return to normal. Waiting til the mid February CT scan and blood test to see if they got rid of everything.

During cycle 1

Now … Don't realize how much of my eyebrows and eyelashes I've lost
til I compare them side by side

---

Another great song my friend Kat introduced to me (thanks Kat - so comforting):

Sovereign

by Chris Tomlin

Sovereign in the mountain air

Sovereign on the ocean floor

With me in the calm

With me in the storm

Sovereign in my greatest joy

Sovereign in my deepest cry

With me in the dark

With me at the dawn

In your everlasting arms

All the pieces of my life

From beginning to the end

I can trust you

In your never failing love

You work everything for good

God whatever comes my way

I will trust you

Round 4, Day 8-11

Day 8 blood test and Day 9 treatment went pretty well. Got one of my favourite nurses, Christina, starting the IV line - she gets it in quick without prolonging the pain / discomfort. Two more blood tests tomorrow and Monday, then my last treatment, God-willing, on Tuesday!

My energy is taking a lot longer to come back this time. Sleep hasn't been great and fingers are feeling like clumsy numb and painful sausages. Usually by Day 10 I'm feeling pretty good and close to normal. While yesterday was a bit of a turning point, I'm still feeling quite tired. They say it'll take anywhere from 3-12 months before I feel completely back to my old self.

I think I'll have to call it a night!

Round 4, Day 6-7

Very low energy. I was probably NOT sleeping / resting for about 4-5 hours yesterday.

Had very vivid, weird and sometimes disturbing dreams last night that left my heart pounding and my arms and feet flailing. Chasing after a friend's dog, strange schools, losing toes. Thankfully just dreams.

Am still on a potato / carb kick. Sometimes cancer cravings / symptoms feel like pregnancy.

I've realized that as the end of this treatment is coming, the main fear that comes up is that I'll have to go through this again or that those I love will have to do this. One of the chemo drugs increases my risk of secondary leukemia, in which the cure rate is poor. If there is recurrence during the first two years, the cure rate is not as favorable. The thought of cancer coming up in the future keeps my exhausted brain running at night. I've generally been the optimistic type, not one to worry about much... but this has tested my faith and made me really have to cling to the goodness of God even when I'm scared and worried. I am thankful that God is bigger than all of this. I wish there was a magic spell to protect everyone from this.

Need to rest again - almost passed out trying to rearrange photos on our fridge. Why did I feel the sudden need to rearrange? I have no idea. My poor husband who has to deal with my strange compulsions.

Round 4, last day 5!

I've had a real craving for poutine last night and today. We went fast food poutine via Wendy's but it hit the spot. Jer said he felt a bit sheepish, thinking people may have been judging him for bringing his cancer patient wife to fast food, but let it be known I couldn't stop thinking or talking about it last night :)

God-willing, last time I'll have a saline-locked IV line protected by miles of gauze :)

Thank you for your prayers - my WBC counts went up and treatment went ahead as usual without need for extra injections. The blood test today was quite painful as my vein was rolling and not cooperating - the nurse had to "manoever" the needle around in my arm to get the needle in the right place. Thankfully I had my captain No-no right beside me to give me moral support.

And my IV line held out for all 5 days again! Woo hoo! The nurses always seem a bit surprised that it holds so I'm so super thankful that it held for me 3 out of 4 rounds!

Energy is very low and I think the IV site will result in a bit of a bruise, but I'm excited that I just have two more chemo treatments after today. Then it's the waiting game as we wait to see what February's CT scan shows.

We've tentatively booked flights to Honolulu for March. Here's hoping we get to go!

Round 4, Day 3-4

The good news - Friday's AFP (cancer marker) levels were down to 13. Getting very close to normal levels!

The bad news - definitely feeling a lot more run down earlier in the cycle. Last night I slept for about 15 hours on and off due to the fatigue (and disruptive hot flashes) that come from low energy reserve and 4 cycles of aggressive chemo. Friday's blood levels also showed my white blood cell (WBC) counts are down, meaning they need to do an extra blood test tomorrow. If they are still depressed, I may need to either receive injections to boost them up (you all probably know how much this needle phobe doesn't want this option) or skip one of the chemo drugs if I'm at high risk of infection. The most ideal option is for WBC counts to have rebounded a bit by tomorrow, so if you're praying folk, please do keep this in prayer.

Each day though, I say to Jer - this is hopefully the last "day x" I have to go through!

As my friend Iz reminded me:

For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength. (Philippians 4:13 NLT)