Had very vivid, weird and sometimes disturbing dreams last night that left my heart pounding and my arms and feet flailing. Chasing after a friend's dog, strange schools, losing toes. Thankfully just dreams.
Am still on a potato / carb kick. Sometimes cancer cravings / symptoms feel like pregnancy.
I've realized that as the end of this treatment is coming, the main fear that comes up is that I'll have to go through this again or that those I love will have to do this. One of the chemo drugs increases my risk of secondary leukemia, in which the cure rate is poor. If there is recurrence during the first two years, the cure rate is not as favorable. The thought of cancer coming up in the future keeps my exhausted brain running at night. I've generally been the optimistic type, not one to worry about much... but this has tested my faith and made me really have to cling to the goodness of God even when I'm scared and worried. I am thankful that God is bigger than all of this. I wish there was a magic spell to protect everyone from this.
Need to rest again - almost passed out trying to rearrange photos on our fridge. Why did I feel the sudden need to rearrange? I have no idea. My poor husband who has to deal with my strange compulsions.
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