"The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning
It's time to sing Your song again
Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes.
Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name"
~10,000 Reasons (Bless the Lord), by Matt Redman
While I've consciously tried to keep our spirits up and focus on the proverbial silver lining, there are certainly moments where the tears flow and I state the blindingly obvious - "I wish I didn't have cancer. I wish I didn't have to do chemo at all. I wish I could pinch myself and the last 2 weeks, scratch that, last 3 months would turn out to be just a bad dream." My courage fails me and the path forward seems daunting. It's hard to believe that it was just over 2 weeks ago when our dreams of "just a close brush with cancer but no lingering effects" were dashed. It seems like another lifetime.
Life can suck. But there is great comfort that regardless of what happens - "whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me" - the unfailing love of the the Lord sustains me. I know whose Hands hold me.
I'm starting to come out of the fog of fatigue and discomfort from what I hope is the toughest part of round 1. Energy levels are thankfully starting to rebound a bit. Heartburn, tender gums (I feel like my teeth may fall out!) and the occasional tingly fingers are the main side effects lately.
Day 9 treatment on Friday went OK. Being the needle phobe I am, my efforts to breathe to calm myself when they were starting the IV line sounded like I was hyperventilating - thankfully there was just one poke by my skilled nurse Christina. A friendly retired nurse instructor on her third round of chemo (of 8! Ok, I need to stop being such a wimp about 4) gave some helpful breathing advice to get through the most stressful part of it. Thanks to Vicky, I was gifted with a bit of rest at home between the lab work and actual chemo treatment.
I have been so encouraged, touched and amused by stories about the kids of our friends. Like Rhys, whose father Gil beat cancer a couple of years ago, praying on her hands and knees for me. Or Ollie who used his wishbone from a meal to wish Auntie Mel better. Or Aidan who read up on cancer and encouraged his mom to shave her head with me (donating with me was more than enough, Iz). Or my own son who thought he would have his birthday party in the hospital with me.
We've been blessed with an abundance of delicious meals from our meal volunteers - daily dinners, special gourmet brunch, meal delivery service from friends from afar - my family eats better than when I cook for them! Thank you for the love.
We too, sang that song 10,000 Reasons boldly when we faced those days where we wished it was all a dream, that life would just snap back to normal. May you have a good week or couple of weeks of rest and may each day be a better day than the last. Hubby's up next-- 5 days to come starting tomorrow. Thanks for sharing the Psalm as well. I prayed through those set of Psalms too at around the same during his first round. Praying for you, sister!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your prayers Libby! We are constantly praying for Cliff and we hope tomorrow gets to be his last day in the hospital!
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